He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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