he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he puts the penis in happiness.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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