I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
