You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize