So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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