I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize