just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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