Sry I called you an 8
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
