i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
