Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
