awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
