how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
