Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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