remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
