Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
