okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
