Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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