Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize