I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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