Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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