i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Text me some of your sweat
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize