This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
