I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
