Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
