I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
