my phone needs a breathalizer
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
