so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
