no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
