haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
