i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
