wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
