yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
