i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
