Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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