she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
