Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
