Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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