That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
