help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
