How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
