She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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