after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I need a burrito and a hug.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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