Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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