So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I currently don't understand fingers.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize