this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
