"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
