I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
