i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found puke in my bra..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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