If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
