So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
