I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
