At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
