Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize