Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
