I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
