apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
