There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
