so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
this hospital has no fireball
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
