i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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