I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
