I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
