He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
