I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i now understand why vodka
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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