i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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