His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want her autograph on my taint
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize